Jen is losing it. (jenislosingit) wrote,
Jen is losing it.

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Week 1, Day 2

So. This upcoming Saturday marks a year since I tried to jump back on the blogging bandwagon. As you guys can see, that failed a little bit hardcore.

The good news, though: I did get back on the health-and-fitness wagon a little. I lost 20 lbs. between January and October.

To be perfectly honest, I lost most of that weight between this past June and October. While the ideal situation was to be at my ultimate goal weight, which I still need to lose about 18 lbs. to do, I'm proud of myself. It was not easy to overcome the mental roadblocks to lose 20 lbs., and the fact that I pretty much maintained through the holidays (which included our first-anniversary celebrations) makes me feel very proud.

A little bit of backstory, for those I haven't spoken to for a while: I gained a pretty good amount of weight from the time Josh and I started dating (March 2011) and the month after we got married (January 2015) - about 30 lbs., to be exact. And I don't think I can begin to describe how much I never want to see the body in those top photos again. Not because I'm disgusting or look terrible or am OMGSOFAT (let's be real, I'm still nowhere close to obese there). But those photos remind me of a time when I was over-stressed and not making my health a priority. I had just gone through an amazing time in my life between marrying Josh and going on a beautiful cruise for our honeymoon, but I was still super stressed and clinically depressed; my brain was telling me anything I was doing to prioritize myself was making me selfish and taking away from something I could be doing directly for someone else.

But I'm done thinking like that. I'd be lying if I said those thoughts don't still creep into my mind, but if I take a few seconds to step back and really ask who is losing out by me being healthier, the answer is no one. People will make comments and people will imply I don't need to lose weight, or should eat X, Y, or Z, etc., but I don't care anymore. I know when I'm eating well and moving my ass, I have the feeling that I can take on the world. Everything else seems to kind of fall into place when I'm practicing these habits, including my sanity and attitude in general - not to mention my stress levels - which tells me that I'm doing something right.

I re-joined Weight Watchers yesterday. Technically I've been a member and have been using the tools for pretty much forever now, but yesterday I recommitted after a month of being absent from the meetings - absences that were mostly due to me being too scared to face the reality that I was letting the holidays and my anniversary be an excuse to eat like shit. And honestly, if it had just been me indulging in holiday treats, it wouldn't have been a big deal. But I used those things, as we all have at some point or another I'm sure, to justify overeating at regular meals and snacking at 2 a.m. more often than not. But...I forgive myself. I do. Because I know this is a lifelong challenge I will have, and I know I have battled it enough times to know I'm strong enough to make it a priority.

Age: 30
Height: 5'3.5"
Build/Frame: Small

Starting Stats (01/06/2016)
Highest Weight: 157.6 (January 2015)
Starting Weight/BMI: 139.8 lbs./24.4
Starting Waist: 30.5
Starting Hips: 38.5
Starting Right Thigh: 23.75
Starting Bust: 37.5
Starting Right Arm: 11
Starting Dress Size: 8/M
Starting Jeans Size: 8-10

Goal Stats
Goal Weight/BMI: 120 lbs./20.9
Goal Dress Size: 4/S
Goal Jeans Size: 4-6

You can also follow along with my weight/inches-loss progress here, and view my workout schedule here. Gonna start my entries by posting my WW Trackers for the previous day(s) again, like I did back in the day. I think it helps me to have that accountability. Here's yesterday's:

I have a lot more to say about some (both health- and non-health-related) stuff that happened within the past year, big plans for this year, etc., but I'll save it for tomorrow. :o) Thanks to anyone who is still reading this and will be following along with me. 2016 is the year I finally want to reach my weight goal, and I'm excited to really commit and kick some ass.
Tags: food challenges, i am worth it, initial weigh-in and stats, nighttime snacking, recommitting, wake-up call, weight watchers, ww meeting
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