May 25th, 2013

me default

A New Chapter.

Hi guys.

There have been so many changes in my life over the past few months it's not even funny. Three stand out the most, so I'll outline those briefly.

The first is the greatest news: Josh asked me to marry him on April 19, and I said yes! The first photo below isn't THE moment, but we had to reenact it for the camera. :o)

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It was, hands down, the best day of my life. Josh and I have been through a lot together, and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I'm such a lucky lady to have this man. He's been my world for a long time, and I'm so excited to take this next step. We've already looked at one venue and are going to look at a few more over this next month, so we'll see. Our wedding date is set: 12/13/14. Which is going to be a very competitive date, so we probably need to book a venue sooner rather than later.

The next new huge thing in my life isn't as awesome, but definitely has a silver lining: I lost my job, a week before Josh and I got engaged. My company eliminated my position. It seems like a terrible thing, and in a lot of ways it is - I was making some great money, worked with some wonderful people, etc. But technical writing isn't what I want to do with my life, and I think I truly needed this push to have the guts to start pursuing something else. I also know my company kind of knew that. At any rate, I've been pursuing a few jobs and got an offer yesterday that I'll go into more detail about after I accept it, but I've mostly been taking on freelance editing jobs through And you know...I've never felt as fulfilled doing anything else for a job as I have taking on these projects. Each time my bid for a project gets accepted, I feel like I get a chance to show my stuff and make some money doing something I'm not only good at, but that I truly enjoy and is going to help an inspiring writer on their path to being published. It has been amazing. In the future, I'd really like to pursue doing that full time. My former co-worker Ray is currently helping me put together a nice online portfolio, which I think will help get me some more jobs, as well as maybe get me one step closer to a dream copywriting job ::coughDISNEYcough::. Honestly, I have a lot of possibilities and opportunities on the horizon...and while the type-A part of my personality just wants a concrete answer, the other side of me is grateful for the chance to kind of reinvent myself. So we'll see how that goes. I'm sure I'll be posting a lot about my career adventures here.

And last but not least, the topic of my weight looms. I'll just go right out and say it: I'm out of shape. My clothes aren't fitting. I'm hovering around 140 and I can't stop eating. :[ It really, really sucks. I'm using food as a comfort mechanism and allowing others and my environment to dictate what I put in my mouth, and I really hate it. This is not the Jen I like looking in the mirror at. This makes me feel like a very defeated Jen, and old, fitter Jen wants to shake current Jen into really understanding and embracing why health and fitness are so important, and why it's worth it to make sacrifices and run when I don't want to and not eat that chocolate bar, even if it's only 200 calories. I really, really miss feeling like the trade-off of feeling fit, energetic, and healthy was worth giving up junk and foregoing sleeping in...but I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I try for a few days, have a bad day, and give up completely, taking one step forward and five steps back. I'm still working out, but not nearly enough to even out the crap I'm shoveling into my mouth. I'm completely controlled by sugar...again. It's very, very hard, and I keep waiting for the day when something inside me will just SNAP again. But it hasn't happened in a really long time, and I just want to know how to get back there.

I'm hoping to be back at goal by the end of the summer, but to get there I know I need to really be committed and stop giving excuses for eating shit that no one is force-feeding me. I need to tell myself no a LOT more, forgive what I've done to my body, and move on. I'll post my weight stats on Saturdays, since that's going to be my weigh-in day. I've been "back at it" for a couple weeks now, but as you can see by looking at my Get-Fit Plan, that isn't saying much. I've been doing OK on my workouts (click here for my Workout Plan), but still not as well as I'd like. I'm in my second week of a one-month membership I bought through Groupon at this gym in Winter Park called Legacy Fitness. My friends Abby, Jen, and I joined. I have, surprisingly, been LOVING it. The classes (Body 360 and Cardio Kickboxing) I've taken have been very difficult, but something can be said about the amount of stress relieved from punching and kicking the crap out of a punching bag. I'm dead tired afterward, but it's worth it. I'm going to go three times this week.

I'm in Ellijay, Ga. right now visiting Yurani. Her brother graduated high school today, so she's in town. I drove up Thursday. It's been exactly a year since I flew to Denver to see her and Benson. Benson is so big now. He just turned two in April and is as adorable as ever, albeit a little more annoying now. :p He was almost ready to walk a year ago; today, he's running everywhere. It's crazy how quickly time flies.

I think that's enough for now. I really want to start blogging on a more normal basis and getting back into eating well and working out. The happiness and fulfillment I used to get from those things were so much more than what I get from eating a ton of bad food, and I'm determined to find my way again.