April 4th, 2012


Jen Weighs in and Ponders 120s

I tried to write my subject like a news headline today. It kind of failed.

I weighed in today and lost two pounds! I'm very happy about that, especially considering the wedding Saturday...and the half jar of pumpkin butter that mysteriously disappeared since. But I'm proud of my loss, even though I'm only a little below where I started a couple weeks ago. No matter - moving forward.

I'm realizing something, and maybe those of you who have followed my journey for a while have picked up on it as well. I am getting afraid of that 120s line again. Last year when I was training for my first half marathon, I went through the same thing. I still have this issue - where the 120s are scary, and when I attain them, I'm allowed to get lazy and give up.

People tell me, "Well, maybe you're at your comfortable weight." Lol gurl, no. When I was running three times a week and eating healthy, my weight was going down consistently. When I started dating Josh and stopped working out consistently and started going out to eat a lot again, THAT'S when it stopped - not randomly because my body just stopped losing. But lately, it's like, when I see 129, I psych myself out...and I honestly don't know why. I have no clue why I'm so scared to charge forward full speed. If I ever get to 140, it's so easy to focus. The weight comes off a little easier there, but I also give it so much more effort. I need 130 to be my new 140. There has to be some way to flip that switch in my brain.

Maybe inside, since I have never gotten there, I just honestly believe that I can't. So if anyone has any suggestions on how to allow myself to see into the murky unknown, I'd love to hear them. I'd like to get under 130 next week, and I really don't want to have to sacrifice that because of my own fear and insecurities. Help a sister out!

Blake, Katlyn, and Mels are hosting a Passover Seder Friday night. Luckily I know what is on the menu: brisket, chicken, matzo ball soup, asparagus, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, fruit salad, wine, aaaand...mint brownies. Which I LOVE and will definitely have one of (but I am determined to make it just the one!). I asked Mels to please resist drowning the vegetables in butter/oil and putting the fruit in any kind of sugary juice, so hopefully I get my wish, haha. But I have some healthy choices, so I'm not too worried. Plus, I am aiming to earn 20-25 APP this week, so there's no reason I shouldn't be under 130 next week. Unless I sabotage myself, which I am really going to work on this week. I should actually probably seriously start taking up yoga.

The Seder is really my only foreseeable challenge this week, thankfully. My next few weekends are pretty free (read: devoid of huge events where I will be surrounded - nay, bombarded - by delicious food), aside from races. Which not only distract me from food, but themselves contribute positively to my fitness goals. I have THREE races this month: the Corporate 5K (a week from tomorrow), the Earth Day 12K on the 21st, and the Run for the Trees 5K the 28th. I haven't signed up for the latter yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it. We'll see. I may scrap that and do a long run that day instead, since I fly out to see my family early the next morning and my amount of time/resources will be more limited in New Orleans.

Speaking of races, Katlyn is amazing and is going to put my marathon cost on her Disney credit card tonight, so I get a discount/early registration and she racks up Disney Dollars. Woohoo! $135 instead of $150. $15 is $15, man.

I'm nervous! Once I pay, that's it - I'm locked in. Done. Stuck. Fated. Ugh.

Quick NSV before I go - my work ordered in lasagna for lunch and I resisted and ate my salad and yogurt. Sup. GTFO CHEESY, ARTERY-CLOGGING PASTA DISH.

This is going to be quite a year. Hopefully I'll be laughing about my 130s mindset in a few months' time.