November 2nd, 2011


I'm alive.

Barely. But I'm here.

So first things first: I switched back to LJ because I'm used to it, it's user friendly, I have made a lot of friends on here, and Tumblr sucks for blogging. But I have a paid account, so ads shouldn't pop up for anyone (even non-LJ users).

Now for the juicy stuff.

I am not the Jen from back in January and February who was so determined to get to my weight and fitness goals and wasn't going to go down without a fight. I'm not. I wish I was, but I know I am happy with other aspects of my life right now that I wasn't fully happy with before, and for the past eight months, that has been enough for me. Those of you who know me a little better know that I had a lot of things going on behind the scenes earlier this year that I resisted divulging in my health-and-fitness blog. I spent a lot of time in the gym, and a lot of time thinking about what I put in my mouth, because it took my mind off of the things I wasn't writing about here.

That part of my life ended eight months ago, and I was lucky enough to get much more than I maybe deserved out of it. But today? I'm 10 pounds heavier. And today, I am forgiving myself for that and moving forward. I have had a lot of fun gaining those 10 lbs., but it is still important to me to get to my goal and stay healthy and active. I have forgotten what it feels like to get out of bed with the energy I had while training for my first half marathon. I've forgotten what it feels like to set a new PR for myself with running. I've forgotten what it feels like to be SO CLOSE to my weight goal, and that makes me really sad. I don't feel like I've failed, because I know it's about perseverance and lifestyle changes and not about clothing sizes and vanity, but damn, those were some great perks. And now the jeans I bought after gaining some of the weight back are starting to get tight, and I can't deal with that. I have to start caring again.

On that note, I will resist talking about everything I've been doing wrong. I know everyone reading this entry has been there before - in that place where no matter what your conscience is telling you, that cheeseburger looks way too delicious to think twice about before putting it in your mouth, those raindrops look way too big to maneuver through to go to the gym, or this and that holiday/event/etc. are getting in the way of my success. I know the excuses, YOU know the excuses, and I want to be done with them. I want to get back to that place where I tracked everything I put in my mouth (including my sugar-free gum). I want to measure my food, and enjoy my splurges fully instead of pushing the guilt down because I know I shouldn't be eating whatever it is I'm eating.

So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm still currently attending WW meetings and haven't made a ton of progress number-wise (2.8 lbs. down in five weeks), but I'm going to change that. Here is my progress chart, and here is my current workout schedule. I have 14.6 lbs. to lose, and miles to go before I can feel comfortable calling myself a runner again. I'm so out of shape, which is sad, but that's life, and this is the part where I do something about it.

I am signed up for a few races, currently - first is a 5K this upcoming Saturday, which I am sadly not really ready for but it is what it is. Then there is the Reindeer Run 5K, which is Dec. 10. I am not signed up for that one yet, but I'm hoping IDS covers it for a work event. Then is the Ragnar Relay, which I'm really stoked about. I am running with my co-workers. My portion is 11.8 miles altogether (I'm Runner 8. You may have to refresh to see the 11.8. It's being crazy and saying 18.1 for some viewers, WTF), and my workout plan puts me at being able to hopefully run a 10K distance by I should be fine, as long as I am diligent. Aaaand I was crazy and signed up for the Disney Princess Half again. I know, I know - what am I doing!?

I realized I was expecting too much out of myself after being sedentary for so long. Realistically, running 30 minutes straight three times a week isn't doable for me right at this moment. It's sad, but I need to work back up to that for at least a couple weeks, and stop beating myself up over it. I know I will get back there. It's just difficult knowing I was in half-marathon shape less than a year ago, and now I'm in Pizza Hut shape. Or rather, pumpkin-flavored-everything shape. Hah. But talking about it is one thing...I want to actually do it. Actions over words! Kitzzy, George (who's in town from Pennsylvania, yay!), and I are going for a "fun run" after work today. Lol...they are going to see just how bad I've been! Hopefully I can keep up somewhat.

Josh and I are going camping this weekend. We're going to bring some beer and stuff for s'mores. I am planning on using my WAPP (Weekly Allowance PointsPlus) for that.

We're also trying to start cooking more - at least every Sunday night for now. So far I've made a couple WW dinners, and we've liked them a lot for the most part. This Sunday, I'm cooking Beer-Soaked Beef, Mashed Sweet Potatoes, and Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Maple-Balsamic Drizzle. The reviews on the recipes are good, and they seem pretty straightforward, so I'm excited to see how they turn out. I'll take some photos and post the recipes up after.

I am using the WW iPhone app to track points, so I may take screen shots and post them for my food logs. I am also keeping my stickers calendar again, so at the end of the month I'll post a photo of it, along with a little update legend about what the stickers mean. I need to tap into February again...I really, really do.

I can't let the holidays get the best of me. Anyone have any good, healthy, autumn-ish recipes to share?