April 26th, 2011

wedding: kiss close-up

Week 1, Day 1

*peeks out from behind bush*

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Let's get the bad news out of the way first.

1. I gained back 7.6 lbs. of the 10 I lost.
2. I am nowhere near in the shape I was in two months ago when I ran the half marathon.
3. My size 4 jeans are laughing at me, and my 7s are side-eyeing me big time.

Now for the good news.

1. I faced my first official WW weigh-in in three weeks last night, and I bought a new 3-Month Tracker journal.
2. I re-joined LA Fitness (since my other, ghetto gym closed down), and I'm going for my first time tonight.
3. I am ready to fully recommit, and make my health and fitness a priority again.

OK, I guess I deserve a little credit – I haven't been COMPLETELY averse to my healthy lifestyle. I have done a couple 5Ks in the past two weeks, and I actually PRed (34:09) at the Corporate 5K. My co-worker Abby is a runner and she really pushed me, so I owe her, hah. But I felt like dying afterward. She told me that a couple times during the race she was worried if I was going to make it through, haha. How awful.

Honestly, the difference seven weeks of not really caring about what I'm eating or pushing myself to work out has made in my life is astronomical. I feel so sluggish and tired, I get hot so much more easily...I seriously wake up in sweats sometimes. I have to push myself out of bed a lot of the time, and I find myself dreaming of coffee until the moment it touches my lips. This isn't really how I want to live my life or present myself, and it certainly isn't how I want to feel. It's been really easy to eat whatever I want and skip my workouts. I have been distracted by used a new relationship, the post-half euphoria, my gym closing down, my roommate's baking prowess, Easter candy (I had three Cadbury eggs in a single day, I'm not even kidding), birthdays, etc. as excuses to slack off, but now I'm regretting it. All I can do, though, is move forward, and this is the time for me to embrace my healthy and athletic side again.

I've decided to start back at Week 1, as you can see. I have 12.2 lbs. to lose, and I would like that to happen within a 12-week period. A pound a week is more than reasonable, and I'm determined to make it happen. Money isn't exactly abundant for me right now with my trip coming up in a few months, but I think retaining some goal rewards is important for me to understand this is an important and difficult journey that deserves to be recognized by myself.

Not that I need this to succeed, but I'm very grateful I have a supportive boyfriend who has seen me at my best and worst. He runs with me sometimes, and actually ran his first official 5K with me this past weekend. He did really well, too - he stayed with me and we finished right around 35:30. He could've done better but I had to walk a few times. :p He wants to do another one (running bug!!!), so I think we may run this in a couple weeks. We'll be in Jacksonville for Mother's Day, so I think it'd be fun. I think I'll be in much better shape - maybe even good enough to PR again. Under 34:00:00 would be awesome. That will be my goal.

What's tough is the pretty-much-weekly trips to First Watch (amazing brunch place near us), and other times we go out to eat. It's not his fault, he doesn't force me to eat badly. It's just so easy and a fun thing to do together, and it's difficult to choose fruit and egg whites when there are Belgian waffles with blueberry syrup and bacon and greasy, delicious potatoes to be had. Oh, First Watch. Your existence gives me excuses. But luckily Josh knows how important recommitting is to me, and I know he will be sensitive in that way. And I will just have to start choosing healthier options on that First Watch menu and elsewhere. :o)

I think my goals this week are pretty reasonable. I'd like to be working out five days a week ideally, but I didn't want to overdo it my first week back. A 2.4-lb. loss for this week is asking a lot, I know, but I think I can do it considering how much I've let myself gain back by just cramming junk into my face hole. I will just try my best and hope. I think next week I will make a goal of cutting down my coffee consumption to one cup per day, then the next week cutting it out completely. Then I am going to give up sweets for a week. Hooray for having some goals mapped out for my first four weeks.

I don't have any huge challenges this week as far as I can see. But I did have a nice NSV this morning at work when faced with an unforeseen tray of Panera pastries. I seriously considered taking a sugary pecan off the top of one, but then I was like, "Why the hell do I need that?" Seriously, all it would have done is made me want the whole pastry, and I had already eaten breakfast. I have been eating mindlessly like that for a couple months now. Time for a serious mindset change. Why can't losing weight be as fun and easy as gaining it? ;-) I guess the payoff is worth it.

Thanks to those of you still reading. I guess it is all about the journey. Blah blah blah, back to the grindstone.