August 31st, 2010

wedding: kiss close-up


Well, here it is. My brand-new, fresh journal that I created to chronicle my weight-loss journey. I have about 15 pounds that I've been saying I want to lose for, oh...10 years? Give or take. It seems pretty crazy to think, but honestly, it has been that long...about since I started high school. Granted, I was a little bit heavier than I am now in high school, but only by about five pounds or so (and when you're 15, that's a lot more than it is when you're 25 - not so much physically, but in the teenage-peer situation. I'm sure you all can agree). This journal has a few purposes. One, to give a public place for folks to come if they have lost a bit of motivation, and to share with others in an easy way apart from my personal journal that is otherwise ridden with entries of my teenage- and early-20s-angst past. Another is to share my journey with all of you - the people who have stuck by me and offered constructive criticism and sometimes necessary tough love that I've needed through all my weight teeter-tottering and my fitness struggles. And finally, this journal is for me. A chance to, yes, start fresh, but also not to forget my past challenges and how they've shaped the person I've become and hope to become.

Let me preface by saying I was never, ever what any normal person would consider "fat". I mean, by Hollywood standards (and the standards of the skinny cheerleaders at my high school, for that matter), I was definitely chubby. But to the normal eye, I was the thin one in my family. I have lived the past 10 years having eyes rolled at me. My family (as well-meaning and loving and wonderful as they are) has assured me time and time again that I don't need to be losing any weight, that I can have as much cake as I want, etc. because I don't need to be the one in the family worrying about my weight. If I let it slip that I'm on a diet or trying to eat healthy, people have told me I don't need to be. These comments are very sweet, but honestly, they give me an excuse to eat that extra cupcake or skip the gym that day, and in the end, do absolutely nothing for my personal goals. Hell, I got a comment the other night about how great I looked, and I used it as an excuse to stuff my face with junk. So how do I find a nice medium between sharing my experiences and curbing the (albeit unintentional) negative comments?

I'm hoping this journal will be the solution to that. I'll use it for my weigh-ins, to post photos/stories/articles that inspire me, to share and ask about recipes, to discuss my running/fitness goals, for logging food (unsure if this will be a regular thing yet), and just for general musings.

Under the cut are a couple photos of me around my highest weight, which was about 15 pounds heavier than I am right at this moment. They were taken almost exactly five years ago - the week before Hurricane Katrina, when I was visiting family in New Orleans.

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See? Never "fat", but I never, ever want to look like that again. To be 100% honest, I was miserable at that weight, and in those photos, it is obvious to me I didn't give a crap HOW I looked, even aside from the extra weight. Looking - REALLY looking - at those pictures gives me a couple of (very different) feelings. One, I am grateful I have come a ways from the girl in them, in a very positive way. I was 20 years old in those pictures, and I truly believe I look younger and prettier now. And two, they make me realize what I could go back to if I continue to be as lax about healthy eating and fitness as I have been lately. Last night I ate two Toaster Strudels, then a salad from Wendy's (not a nice little side salad, either - one of their new full-on salads, with everything on it - the kind that you can easily pretend is healthy, but deep down know it really isn't), and then two mini cupcakes from Sweet!. These are the kinds of habits I turn to for comfort, and these are the kinds of habits that got me to the girl in those photos.

I have reached a point in my life where I want to once again focus on the numbers on the scale because I know that by following Weight Watchers (which DOES allow treats, lest I go bananas), I can reach my weight goal. But I want it to go further than that. I am not going to focus so much on the numbers that I am weighing myself every day just to "check in". I know that by following my gym and diet plans, I will reach my goals. So I am making it a priority to only weigh in on Tuesday mornings, which will be my weekly weigh-in time.

I have a 10K coming up at the beginning of October, and I'm really not sure I'll be able to run the whole thing. But I am going to stick to the 10K workout plan I have and try my hardest to get as far as I can.

My work weight-loss competition ended today. I came in fifth, out of six. We're going to put together another one, I believe with higher stakes this time. So I'll keep everyone posted on that. Going to make an initial weigh-in post in a minute.

Thank you guys for reading all this. You help keep me motivated and bring me back down to earth when I feel too far detached from my goals, so thank you. I look forward to sharing my successes and challenges with you all!
wedding: kiss close-up

Initial Weigh-In/Stats

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So there it is. All laid out. I have to wait until I get home tonight to take my measurements, so I'll update that later. But yeah, 15.4 pounds to lose. I am glad my first reward is running shoes, because I want them for the 10k. You'll notice I mention an office weight-loss co-worker Joe and I are going to go in with $100 each, for a second competition just between the two of us. Talk about motivation. I don't want to lose $100, and I WANT CLOTHES! ♥

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I don't think those are too harsh of guidelines to follow. Honestly, I know them, but I like to have them there to remind me when things are tough.

My goal date is November 23, 2010, which puts me between 1.25 and 1.5 pounds per week. Totally 100% healthy, reasonable, and achievable. As long as I am conscious of what is going into my body and deliberate about working out, I know I can make that goal. It is the day before I leave for New Orleans for Thanksgiving, and I want to show up at my parents' house at goal. Then when I get back, I want to go pick up my wedding dress and have it be loose on me. Those are my vanity goals, and I am determined to make them happen.

Edit: Measurements updated! I'll be posting weigh-ins every week, and measurement updates every four weeks.