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A New Chapter.

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Hi guys.

There have been so many changes in my life over the past few months it's not even funny. Three stand out the most, so I'll outline those briefly.

The first is the greatest news: Josh asked me to marry him on April 19, and I said yes! The first photo below isn't THE moment, but we had to reenact it for the camera. :o)











So we were on our way to Jacksonville for a weekend with Josh's family. We made a pit stop in St. Augustine under the pretense that we were meeting Jeremy and Jess (his brother and sister-in-law) for dinner at this restaurant we loved and he really wanted them to try. Jeremy called and told him they'd be late, so Josh "called the restaurant" (I learned later he called his mom) to change the reservation to a half hour later. We parked in St. Augustine and said, in his I-just-thought-about-something voice, "Ooooh let's go walk to the fort." Not a weird suggestion, considering we had some memories at the fort and we had time to kill.

So we got to the fort by this one ledge and he was like, "Remember this?" I said no, and he was like, "This is where we jumped like seven years ago."



I was like oh yeah haha whatever. And then he says, "Well I want to ask you to take another leap." Then he got down on one knee and said, "Jenny, will you marry me?" And I cried and said yes and called him a dork. Lol. We hugged and kissed etc., and then he told me his friend Courtney was there with a camera so we took some more photos.







This one was taken to mimic the photo we took in 2005:











It was, hands down, the best day of my life. Josh and I have been through a lot together, and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I'm such a lucky lady to have this man. He's been my world for a long time, and I'm so excited to take this next step. We've already looked at one venue and are going to look at a few more over this next month, so we'll see. Our wedding date is set: 12/13/14. Which is going to be a very competitive date, so we probably need to book a venue sooner rather than later.

The next new huge thing in my life isn't as awesome, but definitely has a silver lining: I lost my job, a week before Josh and I got engaged. My company eliminated my position. It seems like a terrible thing, and in a lot of ways it is - I was making some great money, worked with some wonderful people, etc. But technical writing isn't what I want to do with my life, and I think I truly needed this push to have the guts to start pursuing something else. I also know my company kind of knew that. At any rate, I've been pursuing a few jobs and got an offer yesterday that I'll go into more detail about after I accept it, but I've mostly been taking on freelance editing jobs through elance.com. And you know...I've never felt as fulfilled doing anything else for a job as I have taking on these projects. Each time my bid for a project gets accepted, I feel like I get a chance to show my stuff and make some money doing something I'm not only good at, but that I truly enjoy and is going to help an inspiring writer on their path to being published. It has been amazing. In the future, I'd really like to pursue doing that full time. My former co-worker Ray is currently helping me put together a nice online portfolio, which I think will help get me some more jobs, as well as maybe get me one step closer to a dream copywriting job ::coughDISNEYcough::. Honestly, I have a lot of possibilities and opportunities on the horizon...and while the type-A part of my personality just wants a concrete answer, the other side of me is grateful for the chance to kind of reinvent myself. So we'll see how that goes. I'm sure I'll be posting a lot about my career adventures here.

And last but not least, the topic of my weight looms. I'll just go right out and say it: I'm out of shape. My clothes aren't fitting. I'm hovering around 140 and I can't stop eating. :[ It really, really sucks. I'm using food as a comfort mechanism and allowing others and my environment to dictate what I put in my mouth, and I really hate it. This is not the Jen I like looking in the mirror at. This makes me feel like a very defeated Jen, and old, fitter Jen wants to shake current Jen into really understanding and embracing why health and fitness are so important, and why it's worth it to make sacrifices and run when I don't want to and not eat that chocolate bar, even if it's only 200 calories. I really, really miss feeling like the trade-off of feeling fit, energetic, and healthy was worth giving up junk and foregoing sleeping in...but I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I try for a few days, have a bad day, and give up completely, taking one step forward and five steps back. I'm still working out, but not nearly enough to even out the crap I'm shoveling into my mouth. I'm completely controlled by sugar...again. It's very, very hard, and I keep waiting for the day when something inside me will just SNAP again. But it hasn't happened in a really long time, and I just want to know how to get back there.

I'm hoping to be back at goal by the end of the summer, but to get there I know I need to really be committed and stop giving excuses for eating shit that no one is force-feeding me. I need to tell myself no a LOT more, forgive what I've done to my body, and move on. I'll post my weight stats on Saturdays, since that's going to be my weigh-in day. I've been "back at it" for a couple weeks now, but as you can see by looking at my Get-Fit Plan, that isn't saying much. I've been doing OK on my workouts (click here for my Workout Plan), but still not as well as I'd like. I'm in my second week of a one-month membership I bought through Groupon at this gym in Winter Park called Legacy Fitness. My friends Abby, Jen, and I joined. I have, surprisingly, been LOVING it. The classes (Body 360 and Cardio Kickboxing) I've taken have been very difficult, but something can be said about the amount of stress relieved from punching and kicking the crap out of a punching bag. I'm dead tired afterward, but it's worth it. I'm going to go three times this week.

I'm in Ellijay, Ga. right now visiting Yurani. Her brother graduated high school today, so she's in town. I drove up Thursday. It's been exactly a year since I flew to Denver to see her and Benson. Benson is so big now. He just turned two in April and is as adorable as ever, albeit a little more annoying now. :p He was almost ready to walk a year ago; today, he's running everywhere. It's crazy how quickly time flies.

I think that's enough for now. I really want to start blogging on a more normal basis and getting back into eating well and working out. The happiness and fulfillment I used to get from those things were so much more than what I get from eating a ton of bad food, and I'm determined to find my way again.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
rhapsodyinpink
May. 26th, 2013 02:42 am (UTC)
Congrats on the engagement!! :) And I'm sure you'll get right back into shape very soon, now that you've started again :)
jenislosingit
May. 26th, 2013 05:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks lady! I hope so. It's so hard - every weekend it's something else, you know? A lot of the time it's easy for me to plan, but this weekend, for example, has been really hard. My friend's mom yesterday was like, "Today you eat what you want, you don't need to worry about calories!" and that's very awkward to have someone just come out straight and say that. And I don't want to be rude. But most of the time it's not like that, even though I treat every situation like that lately.

Thanks for the support. :o) It's good to hear from you! Hope you're doing well.
suicune
May. 26th, 2013 03:17 am (UTC)
This post made me want to start trying to use LJ again. I've been trying to write Gwen's birth story, and how it feels impossible to get back into running after gaining 40 pounds from having a baby, but thanks to you, I think I will start blogging again. :) Good luck with everything!!
jenislosingit
May. 26th, 2013 05:54 pm (UTC)
Dude, I keep straying from LJ to try and make a more ~legit blog, but to be honest I haven't found a platform I love as much as LJ. And if that's at the expense of being legit, then so be it. Right now the purpose of this journal is to connect with friends and get back on track, not to get new followers. Maybe one day I'll feel that way again, but until then, eh. I'm here for a while.

Girl you can totally do it. Couch to 5K - start small. There is no shame in that. I can't run more than a mile without taking walk breaks right now and that really sucks, but I keep telling myself that not working out is way worse than running with walk breaks, you know?

I'm excited to read about Gwen's birth story! How is mommyhood treating you?
sirenkgodess
May. 26th, 2013 03:19 am (UTC)
Jen, you look so beautiful in your engagement photos! I love your engagement story.

I'm feeling the same way you do about eating and sugar lately. I am feeling out of control and even though I am running, I don't feel as fit as I used to because I am eating like crap and I feel like a pig. I don't know where my motivation went either. Someone at WW asked me if it was because I feel comfortable. Maybe? But I don't like the way it feels to feel out of control with sweets. UGH. So I can totally relate to you on that one.

You will find your motivation again too, plus you have a wedding to plan and that will keep you busy. :) It's understandable you are dealing with the stress of your job, excitement of the new engagement and it's hard to focus on making healthy choices all the time amidst all the chaos.
jenislosingit
May. 26th, 2013 05:59 pm (UTC)
Aw thank you, Katy! ♥ Yeah I was surprised, which was such a feat because it's pretty hard to take me off guard, lol.

Yeah I hear ya. :-/ After writing this entry, I totally had 3/4 of a pint of Ben & Jerry's last night. I'm really trying to get back on track today, but again, being away from home is a challenge. I'm driving 10 hours tomorrow so that will be kind of rough too, but I'm determined to make it work somehow.

That's true but there's always something, you know? I'm hoping that the idea of fitting into a cute wedding dress will help motivate me a bit, but I'm just not QUITE there yet. We'll see. I get these little spurts of "I'm ready to do this and forego the sweets and put myself first!" And then that feeling just sputters out before it can really manifest fully and stick. Bleh. I'll work on it.
crystalgee
May. 27th, 2013 12:39 am (UTC)
Congratulations on your engagement!
jenislosingit
May. 27th, 2013 01:26 am (UTC)
Thanks, Crystal! How have you been? It's great to hear from you. :o)
crystalgee
Jun. 1st, 2013 11:58 pm (UTC)
I am doing well-albeit busy. :) So are you staying on LJ?
Seeing you blog makes me think I need to blog more. My problem is that I read everyone's updates and I get distracted. Silly me. :)
jenislosingit
Jun. 2nd, 2013 01:21 am (UTC)
That's great to hear! And yes I am. I actually should make another update. I've been lazy...again...

Aw well whatever motivates you! :o)
redheadedrebel
May. 27th, 2013 07:05 pm (UTC)
congrats on the engagement!!!

I've been missing your posting here or on the blog... the blog would send me here.

I've been struggling big time with the same exact issues!!! I'm not happy with my current shape, but I just can't seem to shake whatever is stopping me from doing what I know that I'm capable of! I need to be bit by the motivation bug or a swift kick in the butt to get back on track!
jenislosingit
May. 27th, 2013 08:04 pm (UTC)
Hey! Ahhh thanks, we're so excited! ♥

Yeah, I stopped updating the WP one but I guess I still have it set up to point to my domain? I need to go fiddle with it so people can go back and see the other entries if they want, but I'll be updating from here from now on. :o)

Ugh RIGHT!? I honestly wish I knew what the answer was, but it's just more fun eating delicious stuff and watching movies and TV and crap right now than it is eating clean and running, and that really sucks. :[ I'm hoping the blogging helps me figure out how to get my mojo back - hopefully it can help you too!

Thanks for the support. ♥ It's great to hear from you!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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jenislosingit
Jen is losing it.

About Me

29-year-old Nutella activist, full-time grammar enforcer, and part-time runner. I live for cupcakes, Walt Disney World, terrible puns, the '90s, Harry Potter, spelling bees, pumpkin anything, fluffy animals, beer, and B horror films. I write.

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